


Back in Touch

by RMarie124



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: C/7 is there if only to break it up, Episode Fix-It: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Slow-ish burn, there's some quiet pining, with a hint of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22873096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RMarie124/pseuds/RMarie124
Summary: It's been months since Kathryn and Chakotay have seen each other, and they miss each other dearly. When Chakotay asks Kathryn to be a guest lecturer in his class at the Academy, Kathryn is eager to accept. They have a lot of catching up to do, but will it go well or end in disaster?
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 42
Kudos: 108





	1. The Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this as a WIP for months now, and I've finally gotten the first part to how I want it. I'm trying my hand at a slow burn for these two, since all of what I've done so far is either them having an established relationship, or them about to get together. 
> 
> I'm not sure how long this is going to end up being, quite frankly. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Admirality had been good to Kathryn. The promotion had come after months of debriefing and had included a sizable leave period of five months. She barely knew what to do with herself after just one month of leave, especially after seven years of constantly being on duty. She forced herself to go to the regularly scheduled counseling that had been arranged for all of _Voyager’s_ former crew and found that it actually helped her a great deal. She visited her family in Indiana, spent some time alone on Lake George, and even visited with her senior staff. Tom and B’Elanna invited her over multiple times, and she even babysat Miral for them on occasion. 

The five months had come to a close only a week ago, and Kathryn was adjusting to life behind a desk. She started each day with a real cup of coffee, a luxury she never took for granted. Then it was a steady stream of meetings and approving various different requests. Today was no different, and Kathryn sighed as she sipped her coffee and picked up the first PADD. She already found desk life horribly monotonous, and part of her wished that she was still out in the Delta Quadrant with the people she had come to call family.

The first PADD she picked up contained the schedule of a conference on Risa that she would be attending the next month. Kathryn sent it to her assistant, with a note asking him to put all the events on her calendar. She picked up the next PADD and was shocked to find a message from Starfleet Academy. It was a request for her presence as a guest lecturer. She looked to see who it was from and her heart stopped for a beat.

Chakotay.

_Admiral Janeway,_

_My class on Delta Quadrant cultures is nearing its unit on the Borg. I would love to have you come in as a guest speaker so that you can talk about our interactions with the them and how we managed to get through them as unscathed as we did. I know that I’d also have some star struck students if the famous Admiral Janeway showed up._

_Please let me know by the end of the week._

_-Chakotay_

A smile crept its way across her face at the message. It had been months since she’d last seen her former first officer. After the whirlwind of debriefing that the whole crew had gone through, Chakotay and Kathryn’s lives had taken different turns. Chakotay had decided to accept a teaching position at the Academy, and thus his leave time had been cut short. She supposed he had been very busy, and it was a delight to finally hear from him after so long, even if it was in an official capacity. She immediately began composing her reply. 

_Chakotay,_

_I’d be honored to speak in your class. How much material should I prepare? I do have to ask out of curiosity, why not have Seven lecture in your class? She seems like the ideal candidate to speak on the matter._

_And please do call me Kathryn, we’ve known each other too long for you not too._

_-Kathryn_

She sent the message and set the PADD aside to pick up the next one. There was only a small amount left, and she breezed through them quickly. Then, it was time for her litany of meetings. 

Four hours later, Kathryn arrived back in her office, annoyed and worn out. She gathered her things to leave for the day, and noticed that the PADD she set aside earlier had a new message on it. Chakotay seemed to have responded already to her confirmation. She picked the device up to read the reply.

_Kathryn,_

_The unit is three weeks long. Our class meets three times a week, and you can take up to seven days, allowing time for a review and test on the last two. Classes are an hour and thirty minutes each, to give you an idea of the time frame you have to fill. And as for Seven, she and I are not on the best of terms right now. Besides, she’s currently away on an off-world assignment that will last several months._

_I appreciate you doing this, Kathryn._

_-Chakotay_

Only a week and ten and a half hours total to lecture on the Borg. Kathryn sighed. The debriefings on the Borg had been intensive, and although she knew that there was some information that had to remain classified, there was still so much that she could cover. She didn’t know where to start. She needed to bounce ideas off of someone, to come up with a plan. Then it hit her. Why not see if Chakotay would help her figure out the things that would be the most interesting to talk about? She had admitted to herself long ago that she missed him dearly, and this was the perfect excuse to see him again. She drew up her next message.

_Chakotay,_

_How about we meet to discuss everything that I could possibly cover in your class? It would be good to discuss all of that in a setting that’s not a formal debriefing. I’d also like to catch up, since we haven’t seen each other in months. Do you have time this week? Friday, perhaps?_

_-Kathryn_

She sent out the reply and decided to bring the PADD home with her in case he replied to her message. She finished gathering her things, bade goodbye to her assistant, and headed towards her apartment. 

In truth, she could have transported there, but it was close enough that she preferred to walk. The fresh air always seemed to do her good, and it was nice to stretch her legs after sitting behind a desk all day. It was October now, and the air was crisp, but not entirely unpleasant. 

Ten minutes later, she reached her apartment. She went inside and hung her jacket and purse on the coat rack just inside her door. As she was headed to her kitchen, she heard the PADD chime again, and she turned around to retrieve it from her bag. On the way to her kitchen, she opened the message.

_Kathryn,_

_I’d love that. How about dinner at my apartment? I’ll send you my address. I’ll also do the cooking. Say, 1800 hours?_

_-Chakotay_

She smiled, glad that he had accepted her offer, and glad that he had offered to cook. Although, after all this time she figured she shouldn’t be surprised. He had learned the hard way not to trust her cooking. She replicated a small bowl of soup and took it to her kitchen table, taking a small bite before writing a quick reply. 

_Chakotay,_

_That sounds wonderful, I’ll see you then. Don’t forget the coffee!_

_-Kathryn_

She set the PADD down and continued to eat her soup. When she was finished, she put the bowl in the recycler and headed upstairs to take a bath. She brought the PADD with her, secretly hoping that he would respond. Kathryn rolled her eyes at herself, chiding herself for thinking like a giddy teenager about to go on a first date. 

The PADD chimed again as she finished turning on the water for her bath. She picked it up almost immediately to look at it. Chakotay promised to make all of their favorites, and sent along his address. 

Kathryn set down the PADD and undressed for her bath. She sank into the warm water, and sighed as the heat enveloped her body, relaxing her almost instantly. Baths were still her favorite way to unwind at the end of the day. It wasn’t as though her work load was stressful like it had been in the Delta Quadrant, but she was still getting used to being back to working. As much as she wanted to throw herself into it at first, she realized that she needed to ease back into it in order to avoid going into the survival mode that she had been in for seven years straight.

And now, she had something to look forward to in order to break up the monotony of her week. If she was being honest with herself, Kathryn was slightly nervous to see Chakotay after so many months apart. It had been hard going from seeing him every day for seven years straight to seeing him only at the debriefings but not really being able to talk to him, to not seeing him at all. She missed him terribly, but she knew that things between them hadn’t been the best in the last couple of years and there were things that she knew they had to discuss. Kathryn was also concerned that things simply wouldn’t be the same, that somehow after months apart they wouldn’t click the way they had aboard _Voyager_. 

She finished her bath and retired to her room. That night, she dreamt she was walking along the Bay at sunset. She had her shoes in one hand, and the other was linked with her companion’s. Everything in that moment was perfect, and Kathryn smiled and turned to look at the man she was holding hands with. The glare from the sun was partially obscuring his face, but she could still make out tan skin and a tattoo that she knew all too well. 

——————

The rest of the week flew by quickly. Kathryn had meetings and reports to go over and approve, and before she knew it, it was 1630 hours on Friday. Time for her to head home to get ready for her meeting with Chakotay. Her nerves had steadily grown through the week, and now she was close to second guessing her decision to meet with him. She forced herself to remember that it was Chakotay, the man who had been by her side for seven years. The man that had pledged his love to her five, almost six years ago now, and who she had secretly pledged to love in return. Despite the rifts in their relationship that they needed to repair, the love had never died on her end, and she hoped that it was the same way with him. 

She arrived exactly at 1800 hours, and pressed the chime to his apartment. The door swished open to reveal a smiling Chakotay. Her heart fluttered slightly and she smiled in return. _I forgot what those dimples did to me,_ she thought. _God, I’ve missed him._

“Kathryn, please come in.” He stepped aside and ushered her in. “Here, let me take your things.”

He hung her jacket and purse up on a hook in the wall and motioned for her to follow him back to the small dining room where he set up the food. Chakotay had prepared the table the way they used to aboard _Voyager_ , with candles and flowers. There were two wine glasses, and an unopened bottle of wine sat between them. 

“Chakotay this looks wonderful,” Kathryn smiled at him, “Thank you for making the food.”

“Anytime,” He grinned back.

Their conversation was pleasant as they caught up with each other. Chakotay told Kathryn about what he did in his few months off before returning to the Academy to start the semester. He had gone home to visit his family, who had been overjoyed to see him again after so many years apart. He told stories about his class, and how in a way, it helped him process a lot of what had happened over the years.

“I found that in preparing the course material, and slowing down to examine it, I was able to get a sense of closure in a lot of respects.” He took a sip of his wine. “Of course, making all those reports on _Voyager_ helped at the time, but since we were going from one threat to another, it wasn’t the same as slowing down and processing the events individually.”

Kathryn nodded, “I know what you mean. I greatly benefited from the mandatory counseling sessions. I didn’t think I would, you know how I am,” They both laughed lightly, “But they truly helped me work through the events separately and I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

“Well,” Chakotay raised his glass, “Here’s to us, succeeding at processing the events of seven years aboard _Voyager_.” They clinked their glasses and drank. 

“Speaking of events,” Kathryn said, taking the last bite of her pasta, “We do have to talk about the Borg. It is part of why I came here, after all. I’m actually quite excited to speak to your class.”

“Only part of why you came here?” Chakotay raised an eyebrow. “And really, Kathryn, I can’t thank you enough for doing this. The students are going to love you.”

Kathryn laughed, “Chakotay I haven’t seen you in months, and I’ve missed you terribly. I guess that’s what happens when you’re by someone’s side for seven years straight and then suddenly they’re gone.”

“I’ve missed you terribly too, Kathryn.” They held each other’s gaze for a moment before Chakotay took a breath and said, “How about I clean up and you get whatever you have prepared so far?”

“That sounds wonderful to me,” She smiled warmly.

While Chakotay busied himself with cleaning up, Kathryn went to her purse to grab the PADDs she had prepared, her heart fluttering the whole time. She had almost forgotten how at peace being around Chakotay made her feel. Almost as if she was experiencing love for the first time all over again. She shook her head slightly to bring herself back to the present, and walked back to the living room to where Chakotay was sitting.

He looked up and grinned at her, “It looks like you’ve brought enough for the whole unit already!” 

She shrugged, “I can’t help it. I like to be prepared. We’ll probably end up getting rid of a lot of this anyway.” 

Chakotay laughed, “I suppose that after knowing you for this long, I should have known you would prepare for every eventuality. What did you have in mind to discuss?”

“Well,” Kathryn picked up the first PADD she had prepared. “I figured I would start with a small explanation about what the Borg are. Then I thought I’d go on to talk about the different encounters we had over the years. The unclassified versions, of course.”

“I’d say that sounds good.” He motioned for her to hand her the PADD that she hand been looking at. He read it over and laughed, “You have a note here that says ‘one weakness: coffee.’”

She grinned sheepishly, “Well, I did beat them with it.”

They both shared a laugh. 

“Why don’t I look at all of the information you have here and then try and narrow it down to what seems like the most important?” Chakotay offered, “I mean, you went to the trouble of organizing all of the information that’s not classified. I’d be happy to get it turned into a lesson plan.”

Kathryn sighed in relief. “That would be wonderful, thank you.” Then she yawned.

“Long day?” Chakotay inquired.

“Mhm.” She stretched her arms up over her head. Her shirt rode up a little bit, and she caught Chakotay looking and grinned. “See something you like?”

He couldn’t help but grin back. “I’m fairly certain you know what the answer to that question is.”

“Good to know.” She purred. She stood and he followed. She was feeling bold, perhaps from the wine, and also perhaps from the way Chakotay had been looking at her so she added, “I do too.”

He raised an eyebrow, but was still smiling.

“I think I’m going to head home,” She said reluctantly, “I don’t want to overstay my welcome. Plus, I get up early on the weekends for a run.” 

Chakotay followed her to the door and helped her with her things. “You get up early for a run? That’s something I’d like to see.”

“I need something besides running around _Voyager_ to keep me in shape.” She laughed. “I’ll stop by on my route, how about that?”

“Sounds good to me.” The dimpled grin showed up again.

She reached her hand up to rest it on the side of his face. “God, I’ve missed that smile of yours.”

“I’ve missed your smile too.” He reached his hand up to cover hers. “It’s been so good to see you again, Kathryn.”

“Yes, it truly has. Thank you for tonight, Chakotay. I’ll see you tomorrow morning on my run.” She pulled her hand back and stepped out his door. Kathryn looked back on last time to wave goodnight and then headed off back to her apartment.


	2. The Disaster

Kathryn was growing nervous. Public speaking was something that she had to get used to as a Captain, yet it was never something she was truly comfortable with. Plus, the thought of lecturing to a sea of students was unsettling. She had been a student once, and knew how boring lectures could get. Kathryn hoped that her lecture wasn’t boring. 

It had been a little over a week since she’d met with Chakotay to discuss what her lectures would center around. He’d sent her back a loose lesson plan; a general outline for her to follow that she could change as she pleased. Neither of them had had the time to truly meet up and have dinner again since then, as Kathryn had been busy with meetings and small diplomatic missions, and Chakotay had been busy grading papers and tests. She had held up to her promise to stop by on her run though, and he’d ended up joining her for the final mile and a half. 

It was now the first day of her lectures in his class, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to do. She arrived an hour early to the Academy, and she took a moment to wander the grounds on her way to Chakotay’s office. People gave her the double takes she was used to at this point, yet somehow it was almost endearing from all of the young Academy students. She remembered what it was like to see an Admiral or another important figure walking through the gardens and not quite knowing how to handle herself. 

She reached the floor where Chakotay’s office was, and she cracked a smile at the decorations he had on his door. There were various stickers and posters from the various dig sites that Starfleet was researching, as well as a small sticker that had the catchphrase that some of the former crew had adapted as a joke: “I survived the Delta Quadrant and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.” 

“You really are an anthropologist at heart, aren’t you Chakotay?” Kathryn teased, leaning against the door frame of his office.

He looked up and gave her a grin that made her insides burn. “Oh yes.” He chuckled, motioning for her to come into his office and sit down. “Studying and learning about all the cultures we encountered in the Delta Quadrant was a dream come true.” Chakotay paused, “When we weren’t getting shot at, of course.”

She laughed lightly. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything important by showing up early.” 

“Not at all, I wasn’t really doing anything. Just reading the news. Can I offer you some tea or coffee at all?”

“Coffee would be lovely, thank you.” She watched as he got up and replicated their beverages. She smiled appreciatively at her coffee before taking a sip. “Did I ever tell you that the Admiral turned down my offer for coffee saying that she had given it up years ago?”

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. “Really? You giving up coffee in any timeline seems implausible.”

“I know. I almost wasn’t sure she was really me when she said that.” Kathryn took another sip of coffee. “This stuff is too good.”

“You always did love your coffee a little too much.” He teased.

She gave him a halfhearted look and then they both laughed. 

“Are you feeling ready for your first lecture?” He inquired. “Hopefully that lesson plan I prepared helped a little bit.”

“Oh, it helped tremendously. Thank you again for making it. I must admit that I am a bit on edge. I know what I’m doing and yet I still find myself inexplicably nervous.”

“You’ll be more than fine, Kathryn.” Chakotay smiled reassuringly. “I know how you feel, it’s how I felt before my first lecture as well. You’ll find it gets easier as time goes on, though. Plus, like I’ve said before, the students are going to lose it when they see it’s you who’s lecturing. They’re all going to love you.”

“Did you not tell them I was coming?” Kathryns eyes widened in surprise.

“All they know is that they’re getting a guest lecturer for this unit. I told them it was someone very special and who we are very lucky is taking time out of their days to come to our class.”

“Chakotay this is really is going to be far more entertaining than sitting at a desk all day and reading report after report and going to countless meetings.” She set her cup down on his desk. “It was an absolute delight to tell my assistant that I wouldn’t be available at all on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He smiled at her, dimples and everything. Her heart fluttered again, and she wished that it wouldn’t. Now wasn’t the time to be handling her feelings for Chakotay, damn it. 

He gathered a few PADDs and stood up, offering a hand to help her as well. “Well, how about we head to the lecture hall?” 

“Sounds good to me.” She gave him a smile and followed him out of his office.

As they walked through the hallways of the Academy, students stared at them. Well, mostly they stared at Kathryn. Almost everyone had gotten used to Chakotay’s presence over the last few months, but no-one was expecting the famous Admiral Janeway to show up. The former command team fell into stride like they used to aboard their ship, strolling through the small crowds of students filling the hallways. Kathryn was slightly uncomfortable with all the attention, but she hid it well. She heard one person whisper “holy shit, is that Admiral Janeway?” to her friend, and she tried to disguise her laugh as a cough. 

Chakotay held the door for her into his classroom and they set their things down on the small podium that sat at the front of the room. 

“Will you be needing the holo-projector?” Chakotay asked. “I can get it set up for you, and we can get some reference images pulled up.” 

“I think that would be a good idea,” Kathryn nodded, “That way I can point out different important features on the Drones.” 

Students started to file in as Kathryn and Chakotay set up the holo-projector. They all shared the same reaction that Kathryn had been getting all day: shock and awe. Chakotay looked at her with a small smirk that seemed to say “I told you so.” Kathryn rolled her eyes in response but smiled nonetheless.

“Alright everyone, let’s get started for the day.” Chakotay called. The class immediately settled down. “As you can see, our important guest for our unit on the Borg is Admiral Kathryn Janeway. I served with her aboard _Voyager_ for seven years, and I can honestly say that it was one of the best experiences of my life.” He smiled at her, and she couldn’t help but smile back, hoping she wasn’t blushing too much. “She will be lecturing for the entirety of this unit, and thus has graciously agreed to take time out of her week to come to this class, so please give her your undivided attention.”

He moved to signal to her that she could take the podium. He took an empty seat at the end of the front row. 

“Thank you, Chakotay. You weren’t too bad yourself as First Officer.” Everyone in the room let outlaugh at that. “And thank you everyone for coming today. I hope that this series of lectures proves to be interesting and informative.” She pressed the button to turn on the holo-projector and a Borg drone flickered into existence. “This is a standard Borg drone. As a basic definition, the Borg are a group of drones assimilated from thousands of other species into what is called the Collective. They operate as a hive mind…”

As the time went on, Kathryn gave accounts of _Voyager_ ’s encounters with the Borg, explained how the assimilation process worked, and how they liberated Seven from the Collective. An hour and twenty minutes later, Kathryn felt that it was time to open up the floor to any possible input from the students.

“I’ve left some time for questions if anybody has any.” Kathryn looked out into the group of students before her. One person raised their hand and she motioned for them to continue.

“In all your encounters with the Borg, did anyone ever get assimilated?”

Kathryn felt a wave of panic shoot through her as she remembered the sting of the assimilation tubes, the pain of the nanoprobes taking over, and reached a hand up to rub the side of her neck. She locked eyes with Chakotay, who gave her a reassuring nod, the small flash of fear mirrored in his eyes telling her that he understood what she was thinking. Kathryn tried to figure out how best to answer the question. “The specifics of that information is classified, however, what I can say is overall we were very lucky in our encounters.”

Another hand. “What’s the scariest thing about them?”

“Their cold indifference. They do not care, and they will assimilate you with absolutely no hesitation. They think of only themselves and what is most efficient when they are linked to the collective. Negotiating with them is unlike anything they teach you in the classes here.” Kathryn remembered the first time she communicated with the collective. “You can’t allow room for anything. You have to talk in black and white terms.” 

Yet another hand. “This is definitely going to switch gears, but is assimilation the way they reproduce?”

Kathryn let out a small chuckle. “I was actually going to talk about that next time. The short answer is technically no. You’ll find out more next class.” She looked at her watch. “It looks like we have time for one more question.”

“What was the general reception to having a former Borg drone aboard _Voyager_?” Someone called out.

“Well, a lot of the time the initial reception was cold at first, however our own crew adjusted quite well after a few months. Overall though, Seven of Nine became an invaluable member of our crew.” Kathryn finished with a small smile. 

Chakotay rose from the seat he had taken at the front of the room. “Alright everyone, that’ll be it for today. There’s no extra reading needed. Just show up for next time.” 

The students all got up and filed out, stopping by the front of the room to say thank you to Kathryn, or to ask her additional questions. She answered them as best she could, as some of them skirted the line of classified material. As the last student left the room, Chakotay turned to look at her.

“I’d say that went well.” He said.

“I would have to agree,” She gathered her PADDs. “Shall we have dinner later tonight?”

“That would be wonderful.” 

They headed out to his office, before heading their separate ways for the rest of the afternoon. 

—————— 

Dinner ended up being a disaster. It had started well enough and the food Chakotay made was good, but as their conversation drifted towards the class earlier that day and then inevitably on to Seven, everything went to hell. The issues that they hadn’t yet discussed came to light, and both Kathryn and Chakotay were calling each other out on things that had simply been breezed over at the time.

“You know, I was so goddamned angry when we got home and you weren’t by my side. I know you didn’t have to be, but I wanted you to be there.” Tears shone in Kathryn’s eyes despite the anger that was evident in her voice.

“You had been pushing me away for so long,” His eyes flashed, “I would have been there had you asked. Despite everything, you know I would have been there.”

“I thought you would’ve known. I guess we were so out of touch by then, though.” She laughed dryly, “Hell, we hadn’t touched each other in years. No placing my hand on your chest, you never held my hand or hugged me after dinners. Not for a long time.”

“Kathryn, we never really touched each other.” He scoffed. “Despite the fact that the desire was there.” 

“I was going to give myself to you on New Earth. Instead, Tuvok came back and I didn’t let anyone touch me again. Until Kashyk.” She spat out his name as if it disgusted her. “No one came close to me until he did.” 

Chakotay’s eyes narrowed and he responded in an even tone, “And you come for me for trying to start something with Seven?”

“It’s different and you know it.”

“It really isn’t,” He growled. “Filling a void is the same in all its forms.”

“I went to Kashyk to forget the way I had been feeling for so long. I needed to forget the stress of my job and I needed to forget how I wanted you. How I _needed_ you so badly.” She took a deep breath and let out a shaky laugh, “I guess it was me filling a void. But I never promised him that I would stay near him upon reaching Earth, though.”

“That’s because I thought I would be with her for a while. I had tucked that part of me that loved you away so that it would stay safe and hidden. I had feelings for Seven, but not in the same way I had feelings for you for all those years.” Chakotay all but whispered. “Had I known, I wouldn’t have let it go on for as long as it did.”

“I’m sorry, Chakotay.” A single tear fell down her cheek. She looked at him, eyes wide and searching.

“I’m sorry as well, Kathryn.” He reached out to grab her hand. Tears slipped from his eyes too. 

“Well,” She sniffed lightly, “I’m glad we talked that through.” 

“I am too.”

Kathryn nodded. “Shall we call it a night, then? I don’t know about you, but after this, I’ll be needing some time to regroup on my own.”

“I agree. I’ll see you Wednesday morning for class?” He followed her to the front door. 

“Yes, you will.” She smiled, but in that moment it felt forced. “Thank you for dinner, Chakotay.”

“Anytime, Kathryn.” He smiled back, and she noticed that it did not reach his eyes either.

Kathryn lingered as though she wanted to say something else, but she decided not to. She said goodbye one last time, then turned around and headed off into the night, angrily brushing away the tears that refused to stop falling. 


	3. The Beach

Tuesday came and went, and the whole time Kathryn was preoccupied with the fight she and Chakotay had the night before. It was infuriating and anxiety inducing to think about, and yet she couldn’t stop herself. They had brought up things that had never truly been processed or worked over, just simply patched up for the sake of keeping face for their own selves and the crew. 

It hurt like hell to bring it all back up. Kathryn felt the old scars on her heart opening up again and becoming fresh wounds as if they had just occurred mere days before instead of years. 

She had been hard pressed to focus on the work presented to her that day, her eyes glazing over by her second read through of a particularly boring proposal. Kathryn was nervous for the next day, when she knew she’d have to face Chakotay again so soon after their argument. It struck her as ridiculous that she was nervous to see him, when aboard _Voyager_ they’d have been forced to see each other afterwards. She did not sleep well that night at all, tossing and turning and waking up every few hours, her dreams often shifting into nightmares.

As Wednesday dawned, Kathryn awoke and rolled out of bed to get ready for the day. She arrived at Starfleet Academy an hour and a half later, walking up tentatively to Chakotay’s office door. He was sitting at his desk, looking about as tired as she felt. She knocked on his door and he looked up, a small smile forming.

“Good morning, Kathryn.” He said, gesturing for her to come in.

“Good morning.” She took the seat facing his. 

They were quiet, and God, it was awkward. Kathryn could feel her insides churning, her nerves were on high alert, and she couldn’t stop her hands from fidgeting. She didn’t know where to start, or if she even wanted to. 

“Look, Chakotay—” She started.

“Kathryn, I—” He said at the same time.

They laughed and Chakotay motioned for to go ahead with what she had wanted to say.

“I know I said it the other night, but I really am sorry for the pain I caused.” She took a breath. “Maybe we can get together tonight and try again to discuss what happened between us? Hopefully with less yelling this time.” She added.

“You took the words right out of my mouth.” Chakotay grinned. “I know a nice secluded area of the beach, perhaps a picnic and a swim along with our chat?”

Kathryn couldn’t help but feel intrigued by the thought of a night at the beach with Chakotay. They’d been to Lake George on the Holodeck, sure, but this was different. It was _real,_ and it was like nothing they’d done before.

There would also be the matters of their conversation, which could significantly subtract from the suggestive appeal of the whole evening. Nonetheless, she thought it sounded like as good an idea as any for them to work through the myriad of problems they had. 

“I like that idea.” She felt a grin spread across her face in response.

Class that day went as well as the first day had, with students asking all sorts of questions about the Borg maturation chambers, and even veering off track into general questions about their travels, such as how they dealt with replicator rations, homesickness, and other everyday issues. 

“Who were the biggest trouble makers aboard _Voyager_?” One student asked.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and they both grinned widely. “That would be Tom Paris and Harry Kim, easily.” She said. “Although, I’d say it was Tom more than Harry.”

“Tom constantly played pranks and messed with Holodeck programs.” Chakotay pitched in. “He and Harry set up betting pools on numerous different things. It helped keep stuff interesting.”

“Did either of you ever win any of the being pools?” Another student.

“I won once, but the circumstances aren’t important.” Kathryn said, slyly. She noted Chakotay’s raised eyebrow, and knew that he’d be following up on that later that night.

After answering a few more questions, Kathryn ended the lesson for the day. Students filed out slowly, coming up and asking her more questions and thanking her again for coming and teaching. She in turn thanked them for their excellent questions. She truly was enjoying coming and teaching, sharing stories with people who were eager to ask questions and learn. 

Once the students were all cleared out, Chakotay and Kathryn stood alone in the lecture hall.

“Care to share the betting pool you won?” He inquired.

“I knew you were going to ask about that.” She rolled her eyes at his eagerness. “The betting pool was about the Holiday party we had in our sixth year. It was the yearly mistletoe bet.” 

Chakotay let out a small laugh. “That was the year with Tom and B’Elanna, right?”

She nodded and they headed for the door. “It just felt like the right bet to make. The couple weeks of extra coffee and some nicer meals were definitely a bonus.”

———

They met up later that evening at 1700 hours on a secluded area of the Bay. Kathryn noted that Chakotay must’ve showed up a bit early to set everything up, because there was already a picnic blanket set up with food laid out and a bottle of wine ready to be opened. She couldn’t see him on the blanket, though. She set her bag down and looked out to the water and saw him swimming lazily. 

Kathryn sat down on the blanket, leaned back on her hands, and admired the sight of Chakotay in the water. He seemed calm, content to be letting the waves carry him a short distance before swimming back. He eventually caught sight of her and waved, and she waved back. Kathryn really tried not to stare as he came out of the water, but the sunset was causing his skin to glow and she was pleased to find that he was as beautiful as she thought he’d be. He was flashing his signature dimpled grin at her, which made her insides burn and it was all she could do to not lose the last shreds of her resolve right then and there. 

“See something you like?” He teased, echoing their conversation from a few nights previously. 

“I’m fairly certain you know the answer to that question.” She laughed, remembering what he had said in response to her inquiry. 

His laugh echoed hers as he picked up his towel to dry himself off. He then sat down beside her and uncorked the wine bottle, pouring them both a glass.

“How’s the water?” Kathryn asked eventually. 

“Warm enough, I suspect it’ll start cooling down soon though.” Chakotay said. He served her a plate of food and she took it.

They ate in silence for a few moments, admiring the sunset and sneaking glances at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking. Kathryn was anticipating their inevitable discussion about what had happened a few nights previously. She didn’t know how to broach the subject, and she quite frankly wasn’t sure if she wanted to, but she knew it had to happen if they were to move forward in any productive capacity. She tried to search for the right words to start.

“I wanted to take that canoe trip.” Kathryn said quietly. “I wanted to watch you build the canoe and I wanted to take it on the river and see what else was on that planet.”

“Me too.” Came his soft reply. 

“When we were thrown back on _Voyager_ so suddenly, I panicked and I froze up. I had started to let myself relax and believe that I could live a life free of constant command, and I had let the feelings I had for you start to grow into what I know I wanted them to be instead of keeping them hidden away.” She turned to look at him, with tears in her eyes. “Putting those feelings back away after they had truly grown into themselves was one of the hardest things I ever had to do on that journey. I didn’t think that feelings had any place in my heart as the Captain, besides the fierce love for my crew and the determination to get us all home. And I know that makes me in a large part responsible for the eventual deterioration of our friendship. I hope you know that I regret that decision deeply, and that I am truly sorry for the pain it caused.”

“I understand why you did it.” He took her free hand in his. “I had to do it as well, albeit probably not as well as you. Our situation was a unique one, and I know that it made it hard for there to be room for anything besides command and its related duties. I want you to know that I forgive you, despite what it may have seemed like the other night. I did a lot of meditation and reflection that night, and I need you to know that I do forgive you for your decision. I am also sorry for the way I handled myself in certain situations, especially with Seven.”

There it was. The thing that had been the straw that broke the camel’s back when it came to their relationship. Years of duress, combined with the whirlwind return home, and then the revelation that Chakotay and Seven were together had all but destroyed them. 

“What happened with you two?” Kathryn asked. “You said that you and Seven weren’t on the best of terms recently.”

Chakotay hung his head briefly before looking out to the horizon. “From the start it was not a relationship that would have lasted long. Seven had too much to learn about proper relationships still and I was… well, I was never truly invested as I should have been, and as Seven deserved.”

“The Admiral said that you two got married.” Came her blunt reply. 

“What?” Chakotay looked stunned. “That must have been a decision borne of a situation in which that made sense.” At Kathryn’s confused look, he clarified. “Seven and I worked for a while, and that’s because she picked me to help her with improving her skills regarding romantic relationships. In that timeline, we stayed out there for another twenty years. My guess is that the feelings just developed into something more and they ended in marriage. Had we gotten home as quickly as we did in this timeline, I don’t think things would’ve played out the same way.”

“You don’t?”

He nodded.

“The Admiral told me that despite everything, despite how much it hurt her, she never stopped loving you. She told me that when you died in her timeline, she felt as though she had nothing left.” A tear made its way down Kathryn’s cheek. “I didn’t put that in any of my logs. I didn’t even mention it in my debriefings. I held it for my own self, until now.”

“I find it hard to believe that any version of me would ever stop loving you.” Chakotay said softly. 

Kathryn looked at him, tears silently flowing down her cheeks. He returned her gaze, his eyes equally tearful. “I feel the same way.” Came her quiet reply.

It was silent for a few moments. They both drank and looked at the sunset, watching the vibrant pinks, purples, and oranges swirl around in the sky, swirling around almost like fire. 

“We could still take a canoe trip.” Chakotay said casually. “I’d happily build one, and we could find a river somewhere, see where it takes us.”

Kathryn laughed lightly. “Is this another metaphor for you saying you’re willing to give a romantic relationship between us a try?”

Chakotay’s smile was dazzling. “Yes and no. I am willing to try a relationship between us, and I have been for a long time. But I was also serious about the canoe trip.”

“I’d like that.” She smiled back. “Both of those things.” 

They left the beach half an hour later, hand in hand, and reminiscing about the good times aboard _Voyager_. Chakotay walked Kathryn home, and when they reached the door, they turned to face each other. Kathryn reached to hold Chakotay’s other hand. They looked at each other for a moment, before Kathryn smiled and looked down briefly.

“Would you like to come in?” She asked. 

A smile mirroring hers spread across his face. “I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm (finally) on spring break, so I plan to spend some time on the next chapter of this fic, as well as maybe going through and cleaning bits and pieces of the first couple of chapters. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one. The next chapter will finally have the good stuff ;)


	4. The Nightcap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is *finally* done. I have to admit, I've been feeling disconnected from this story and I found it hard to write this chapter. But a lot of that has to do with the craziness that the world has descended into in these last couple of weeks. 
> 
> That being said, I'm glad to have this chapter finished. I'm thinking about doing a short fifth chapter and having that be the canoe trip referenced in chapter 3. If that's something that interests you guys, let me know!!
> 
> Thank you guys for waiting for this chapter. I hope it's worth the wait. Please stay healthy and wash your hands and stay inside as much as you are capable of doing! 
> 
> Much love xx

“Coffee?” Kathryn asked as she headed to the kitchen. She opened the cabinet to pull out a cup for herself and Chakotay if he wanted some. 

She heard him come into the kitchen and felt his presence close behind her. His hands came to rest gently on her hips, and she instinctively leaned back against his chest. Chakotay moved to wrap his arms around Kathryn, and she sighed contentedly. 

“I have to admit, I’m not too interested in coffee right now.” Chakotay’s voice was low in Kathryn’s ear and she shivered. His hands toyed with the bottom of her shirt, barely slipping beneath the fabric. 

“Oh?” She turned her face towards his, eyebrow raised, teasing smile on her lips. “What would you like instead?” 

He pretended to think for a moment before saying, “You.”

“I’m afraid I don’t taste as good as coffee.” Kathryn guided one of Chakotay’s hands underneath her shirt, and his fingers brushed the underside of her breast. 

He turned her around so that he had her backed up against the counter, and leaned in so their lips were barely touching. “I’m sure you’re wrong,” He ran his thumb over her lower lip. “I guess I’ll just have to find out.”

Kathryn’s breath hitched at his words, and she surged up to kiss him, desire coursing through her veins. Her arms wrapped up around his neck, pulling him closer to her, as if she couldn’t get enough of him in that moment. Kathryn had spent seven long years fantasizing about this moment, what it would be like, where they would be, and what felt like a million other variables, but none of those fantasies lived up to what she was currently experiencing. 

She could tell he was holding back; she felt it in the way his arms tensed up, and in the way he seemed to focus all his energy on varying his kisses from light and teasing, to slow and languid. 

In other words, it was the best kiss she’d had in her life. 

One of his hands tangled in her hair, the other holding her hips flush against him. Kathryn whimpered when he tugged lightly at her hair, breaking the kiss to tilt her head to give him better access to her neck. Chakotay kissed the underside of her jaw and brushed his lips across her neck, before latching on to her pulse point and sucking gently. The sensation went straight to her core, and Kathryn couldn’t stop the moan that escaped from her throat. She ran her hands down his chest and pushed them up underneath his shirt, spreading her fingers along the expanse of smooth skin she found. 

She pushed his shirt up and over his head, eagerly kissing the exposed skin of his chest. Chakotay moved to pull her shirt off as well, and when Kathryn looked into his eyes, she saw that his expression mirrored how she felt; awe, happiness, love, and trepidation all in one. It was almost too much for her to bear in that moment and she felt tears threatening at that back of her throat, so she dragged his face down to hers for a searing kiss. 

Chakotay grabbed her waist and pulled her flush against him. One of his hands came up to tangle in her hair and tugged at it like he had before, causing Kathryn to moan. 

“You like that, don’t you?” He teased as he kissed his way down her throat.

“God, yes.” Came her breathy reply.

Kathryn felt like her body was on fire. Chakotay hadn’t even really touched her yet, but she felt her orgasm building, her body begging for release. She pushed lightly at his chest and he gave her a confused look before she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her bedroom. 

She couldn’t help but think that this was how it should’ve been for years. They should’ve come back to her quarters from a long Alpha shift, they should’ve left _Voyager_ together, and they should’ve had a home together right after returning to Earth. They were here now, though, and that was what mattered. 

Chakotay pulled her in for a kiss and walked her backwards until her knees hit the bed. They were suddenly both desperate, tearing at each other’s clothes, touching each other like this was the last time they could do this, even though it was just the beginning. In one swift move, he had her arms pinned over her heard with one hand, and was slowly trailing the other one down the length of her body. Kathryn gasped loudly and tensed involuntarily when Chakotay’s fingers brushed over her clit. 

He stopped and looked at her. “You okay?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice right away. “It’s just been so long that my body isn’t used to it, I guess.” She laughed nervously. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I shouldn’t—”

Chakotay cut her off, “There’s nothing wrong with you, Kathryn. It’s been a long time for both of us, it’s perfectly understandable. We’ll take it slow, sound good?” 

“Yes.” Kathryn felt tears coming again. “Thank you.”

He leaned down to kiss her softly. “Anything to make this good for you.” He kissed down her jaw, and brought his hands to rest at her waist. “Just take deep breaths, and tell me if you need me to stop.”

Chakotay continued his path down her neck, biting and sucking gently at her skin, then immediately soothing it with his tongue. Kathryn focused on the sensations that she was feeling, letting the heat build slowly within her. She let out a gasp as his mouth reached her breast, his tongue swirling gently around her nipple. He gently brought one of his hands up to her other breast, but looked up for her cue before touching her. 

“Yes,” She whispered. “ _Please_.” 

Kathryn arched into his touch, pleasure coursing through her with each touch of his fingers and tongue on her breasts. All too soon it was over, but Chakotay continued to kiss his way down her torso, and eventually settling between her legs. 

The sight alone was nearly enough to push Kathryn over the edge.

He took his time, kissing her inner thighs and teasing her at every opportunity. Soon, she was writhing beneath his touch, aching for him to put his mouth where she wanted it. She threaded her hand through his hair and tugged, trying to get him to put his mouth on her, and she heard him laugh. 

Chakotay gave her what she wanted, though, and she moaned loudly in delight. Kathryn felt like she would combust from the sheer pleasure she was feeling, and every swipe of Chakotay’s tongue drove her closer and closer to the edge. He was practically devouring her, and she was loving every second.

Soon, the coil that had been building deep inside her snapped, and she came hard, her legs closing tight around Chakotay’s head, her scream echoing in her room. He coaxed her through it, gently bringing her down. Eventually, she relaxed enough to let her legs drop and release her death grip on his hair. He crawled back up to hover over her, and leaned down to kiss her.

“Definitely better than coffee.” He grinned. 

“ _Fuck_.” Kathryn groaned, before pulling him down into a searing kiss. 

Chakotay reached his hand between them to brush his fingers over her clit, and she moaned. She arched instinctively into his touch, moving her hips in time with the circles he was drawing. Kathryn felt her climax approaching and she reached her hand down to stop him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him closer to her. He lined himself up with her entrance and slowly pushed in. Kathryn reached her hand down to circle her clit, sighing in pleasure when he was finally all the way inside her. 

“Good?” He laced their fingers together beside her head.

“ _So_ good.” She smiled. 

He set a slow pace, and Kathryn lifted her hips to meet his, desperate for more. She urged him to go faster, and she cried out when he started moving faster. She pulled him down for a kiss, needing him to be as close as she could get him. Every sensation she was feeling was exquisite, her pleasure building almost quicker than she could handle. Chakotay thread his fingers through her hair and grinned at her before tugging and latching onto her neck. 

That was enough to send her over the edge with a cry, every muscle in her body tensing as she came. He followed close behind her, groaning loudly against her neck. They came down slowly, gently untangling their limbs and laying so that they were facing each other.

“Would you like to stay?” Kathryn asked, holding her hand up for him to take hold of. 

He laced their fingers together, and smiled. “I would love to.” 

Kathryn felt relief flood through her, and she smiled brightly at him. “Thank you for a wonderful evening. I’m glad we finally worked through everything. It was starting to weigh so heavily on me.”

“It weighed on me as well. But I’m so grateful to be here with you, and I don’t want to have anything else come between us.” He kissed the back of her hand and then brought it to rest over his heart. “I love you too much to let it happen again.”

The tears Kathryn had been holding back finally spilled over. “I love you too. So, so much.” 

They fell asleep curled together, neither wanting let the other go. 

—————

When her alarm went off for work the next morning, Kathryn vowed to break the damn thing. She was comfortable, secure in Chakotay’s arms, and she did not want to leave at all. 

“I hate that fucking alarm.” She groaned, before ordering it off. 

Chakotay laughed and kissed her neck gently. “I hate it too. It’s getting in the way of my restful morning.”

Kathryn turned around so she was facing him and gave him a look. “At least you don’t have to go into work today, mister. You can keep sleeping. I on the other hand, have to get up and make myself presentable for a day full of paperwork and meetings.” 

“Life as an Admiral sounds _riveting_.” Chakotay grinned. 

“It’s boring right up until they send you on diplomatic missions. Then it’s entertaining. It makes me feel like we were still out in the Delta Quadrant, honestly. Although I can’t say that I miss the immense amount of stress we were all under.”

“I’m right there with you.” 

“I should really get up,” Kathryn sighed. “I need to shower, which you’re welcome to join me in, by the way. You’re also welcome to stay here during the day if you want to. I’ll probably be done and back by 1800 hours.”

“I’d love that.” Chakotay got up and followed her into the bathroom.

Kathryn was at work with five minutes to spare before her first meeting.


	5. The Canoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this fic from beginning to end. It was a challenge for me, and I'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out. 
> 
> I decided to keep the last chapter short and sweet, because I didn't feel like it needed more than what I've written here. I always intended for the last part to be more of a short epilogue. 
> 
> I truly hope you've enjoyed this. Thank you all for your support. xx

_Five Months Later_

Kathryn stood, coffee cup in hand, watching Chakotay as he put the finishing touches on the canoe he was building them. She was standing on the back porch of the cabin they had bought not long after they had gotten together. 

The first project Chakotay had taken on was to build her another bathtub, which sat a mere ten feet away from where she stood. They bathed in it together frequently, as if to make up for the missed opportunities all those years ago when they were stranded on New Earth. 

Now, another symbol of their seclusion was coming to fruition: the canoe. 

A thrill of excitement thrummed through Kathryn’s body. They had plans back then, a trip down the river with a picnic. A journey cut short by _Voyager’_ s return. It was their time now, though, and she couldn’t wait. 

“Alright, I think it’s ready!” Chakotay’s voice pulled Kathryn out of her reverie.

“I’ll grab the basket and be right there!” Kathryn called back.

She recycled her coffee cup and grabbed the picnic basket they had made earlier that morning, then headed down to the bank of the river to meet Chakotay. He took the basket from her hands and placed it in the canoe. Then he bent down to kiss her soundly, his hands skimming down her sides to land on her hips. 

“If you keep kissing me like that, we won’t get anywhere.” Kathryn whispered against his lips.

“Is that such a bad thing?” He teased, stepping back and helping her into the boat. 

Kathryn’s laugh was full of delight. She loved this man with her whole being, and here they were, living happily together in the way that she had dreamed of for years. 

“Are you ready?” Chakotay asked, his question referencing more than just their trip. He was talking about the rest of their lives together, the promise of years to come. 

“Absolutely.” 


End file.
